Why this blog exists...

Life Loves You

I can promise you that much. Grace is working you at all angles in even your darkest hours.

My story

Exactly 1 year ago I had just been dumped. In my heartbroken state I questioned who I was and my worth. I had always been a reader so I took it upon myself to read every self help book purchaseable online on dealing with a break up. Each said the same thing, dont stay in bed all day, claim your life back, do the things you've always wanted to do, do something that scares you. So I did, I entered myself into a bikini competition, confident that I could lose my puppy fat I was holding in just 5 weeks. What better motivation to get my ass out of my comforting bed, a motivation to stay away from my heartbreak cure of ice cream. Getting my rig out on stage in front of a few hundred - that's what! It was a HUGE step for me.

The problem was, I still didnt like myself and I had absolutely no knowledge of health. My idea of a food plan for weight loss: was no breakfast, chicken salad for lunch, anything I wanted as a snack (including Snickers) and a lean cuisine for dinner. Sure the 3500 kj a day diet doing pilates and a walk daily worked, I lost weight. But was it really healthy?


The bikini comp was Ralph ASMY, and I made it through to my venue final. I couldnt have been happier. This initiated some other modelling ventures which proved to be a lot of fun, but I was very self critical at the time and to me my body was never good enough. I was constantly looking at ways to better my body - by over exertion through exercise, taking Hydroxycut daily (which, in turn, made me very sick and not able to sleep at night) & not caring about the nutritional value of food, just the calorie count. Although the initial weight loss was great, I was starting to always look tired and dried out. I didnt seem to glow and I had a real lack of energy.

Nonetheless, I was still looking fit, and it was at this time that I met my next boyfriend... I saw him as a hero who had come to rescue me of my woes. He promised to look after me in every way possible. As he had his own medical issues which required frequent Dr's visits he was pretty clued up on health. He could see that although I was exercising and trying to do the right thing I wasn't really looking after myself. I was having tempers and moods with him for no good reason and we both didnt really know why. He was adamant that it came down to the way I looked after myself. So I started to research good health, I was reading Bodybuilding.com, Oxygen Magazine, the Kora Organics and Wellness Warrior blog regularly. I researched hormones, depression, all health articles, food and their effects. I started Yoga practice and seeing my Chiropractor Aimee (seeing a specialist for the sake of it was never heard of in my family, but after researching the spine in yoga practice and other health articles, it seemed my scoliosis was due for some straightening out).

It was Aimee who opened my eyes to the Blood type diet by Dr D'Adamo. She tested me as blood type A and sent me on my merry way with a food cheat sheet specific for my blood type. I was very happy to learn via the Kora Organics blog that Miranda Kerr is also a blood type A and given her background in studying nutrition, had already been following the Blood Type diet. She also had kindly provided a list of supplements and her daily nutrition plan on her website. As an avid admirer of Miranda already, her blog really was a compass for me nutrition wise and seeing as we were the same blood type I was more than willing to soak up whatever diet and health advice she was dishing!

Although I was getting healthier body wise, the pain I felt emotionally while being with my boyfriend didn't subside and we broke up. I was angry at the both of us, and felt so much pain from not understanding what was happening, that I went straight to the Dr and booked myself in with South Street Psychology. It's here I started sessions with Dave. I had my reservations about Dave, there were no female psychs available so I was left in a room with a man I didnt know, having to be vulnerable and talking about my problems and feelings. It was a very confronting experience as I've never really had a heart to heart conversation with my own Dad in my entire life. I didnt know whether to trust him or not!

I went through the lowest of lows as I started to open up my heart and heal old wounds. I was strongly determined to get through whatever was blocking me and so we met twice a week initially. He asked me to connect with myself, to be mindful & to identify exactly how I was feeling (that was one of the hardest things, as I had told myself for so long that my feelings didnt matter and to just shut them out). He even gave me the tasks of meditating and journalling daily. I was in the pactice of letting the real me finally come out. It was really tough going through changes and having to be so vulnerable so quickly. I started to realise I had such a low sense of worth, that I needed others to like me, even if it meant not telling them how I really felt, or not doing the things I really wanted to do, just so that they would continue to like me. This essentially is why my relationships had failed. The resentment I felt about certain things was always bottled, and came out in destructive ways. I learnt that energy is created within, and it needs to move, it cant stay there or it will find a way to get itself out... usually in a spack attack outburst. So I practiced saying how I really felt at all times. To my family initially...& then I learned to be assertive with others. I was learning to set myself up to be the essence of me and bring it out in full force.

To me, Dave's a saint. & every child in school should be taught these fundamentals, so that we can deal with the pressures of every day life in future years. I had 12 sessions with Dave which finished in November 2011, and in our very last session, just to hear him say "I really think your fine" changed my outlook, from feeling like someone who had unexplainable problems, to feeling like someone who could take on the world.

I now aspire for great things, I have so much more confidence and am bringing to life my past passions and aspirations, and it feels so good! This includes writing, singing and thinking of potential business ideas to turn into a reality. Through my new healthy practices my skin glows, I feel healthy, & I have an abundance of energy.

 

For all that I have learnt and continue to learn, I want to share with you. I want to inspire you, and want you to know you can achieve great changes no matter what rut you are in. Be patient, life will keep poking you and throwing challenges at you until you get back on the path. Listen to your intuition. Take action. 

Let's go on this healthy mind body and soul journey together.

Thank you for visiting.