New definition: SELFish - An act of self love, becoming devoted to caring for oneself. Concerned with own best interests, regardless of others.
There is a HUGE support network for the modern female out there at the moment. The mission is clear: it's about bringing together those ladies that aspire to be true to their authentic selves, find a natural balance in their lives, & all the while reaching for and achieving their wildest dreams. We want to reach out to the ladies that lost themselves in a 9-5 which turned into a 7-6, the Mum's who give all of their attention to their family with hardly any time for themselves, the high flying career women in uber stressful jobs, & just women in general who put high expectations on themselves - whether it be physically, intellectually, socially or any other areas where they have sought for acceptance externally. The over-doing is causing anxiety, unhealthy stress levels, a loss of sense of being, weight gain and diminished immunity, meaning we get sick easy.
So why do we do it? A whole list of answers might come from those women who are still yet to realise & claim their greatness within:
- To gain a sense of "achievement" (If I'm not stressed - I'm not doing enough!)
- To have an excellent work CV (yes, a piece of paper saying all the high profile companies and job titles that you have climbed to - but when you die how much is the CV of your work matter, compared to the CV of your beautiful life lived at it's best?)
- Because I was influenced by "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child & "I don't need a man" by the Pussycat Dolls - and I want to prove prove prove to men that I can do their job AND mine, all while maintaining my manicure
- Well my peers are superhuman? They do it all and more! I will feel a sense of failure if I'm not achieving the same targets (not realising they are suffering the lack of sense of self that you are - OR just that their true path and goals are very different to yours)
- To be Mother Theresa. My selflessness will make me a SAINT!
We work long and hard hours, increase our stress, have no time or energy to even get to exercise – and for what? So you can be a consumer? As a consumer these might be your normal cycles:
- Work hard, Spend my money, Sleep - repeat.
- Work hard, Get sick, Spend my money on a Dr and medication - repeat
- Work hard, Stress out, Spend my money on holidays and any means to make myself feel better (including alcohol, day spas, a new dress etc) - repeat
- Work hard, Lose energy, Turn to sugar, Gain weight - repeat
Since when did a pair of Louboutins, an impressive CV with all the swanky job titles and corporations you've worked for, define who you are? How about we create the CV of our life with all of the meaningFUL things that brought us joy & made a difference. How about reclaiming the sense of beauty within that is ultimately natural and yours. A day spa isn’t going to cut it if you are experiencing adrenal fatigue. A holiday isn’t going to solve the problems you face when you get home. It’s time to work from the inside out. Let me give you a few tips on how to be SELFish and claim yourself back:
1. Take some time out for yourself ASAP. Don't be afraid to take a step back - you will need this time to reflect. You might feel some guilt in letting go of your current routine, but SCHEDULE SOME TIME OUT - a day, a few days - whatever time you need (this may mean babysitters or taking leave from work). You'll need this time to be completely by yourself and reflect on what is actually happening in your life at this time. We get so caught up in our to do list sometimes, we feel abnormal when we actually STOP - and funnily that's exactly what isn't normal. (From my own experience - if you dont take this step & stop - life will force you to stop - in my own case I was in hospital!) The more aware we become of the imbalances and issues in our lives, the easier we can then attend to them. You might like to reflect on things like:
- What is my general mood on a daily basis
- What is my health looking like
- How often am I doing the things I love
- Is my mind always running a million miles an hour
- Is my schedule allowing me for any time for myself
- Am I happy in my relationships, are they healthy?
- What are my true core values - am I living in line with them?
- What are my true dreams and aspirations - what would my ideal life look like - minus the negative talk influencing the outcome (& do this without the "oh that's just not attainable" attitude)
In this time out session, you'll also want to absolutely indulge in things you love or have been longing to do, guiltlessly.
2. Free that soul! Define what makes YOU happy (& do it) What have been things you've been proud of doing in the past? Have you neglected your favourite sport? What are things that have been your natural talents and flairs (even if it was years and years ago)? Do you remember the last time you felt truly inspired? What was it about what you were doing at that time that lit your inner fire? You may be surprised that you actually really enjoy creating pieces of art, or taking up that old hobby that dropped off when your social calendar became a bit more important. It's time to prioritise yourself and what you love to be just as important as anyone elses. Make sure you do one small thing every day that makes you happy. The more you grow those things that YOU love, for you and only you, the more you introduce meaning, purpose and happiness into your life.3. Let go of the things that aren't serving you I'm not saying you should absolve your responsibilities or abandon ship. All I'm saying is to have the courage and confidence to stand up for who you are and what you believe in - & sometimes that means dropping things that aren't necessarily serving you in any way shape or form. You now may have realised from your self reflection exercise that you are sacrificing a LOT of yourself for things that don't give you any benefit or fit in with your value system. Take a moment to list those things you just don't need... and DROP EM'. You might also want to practice saying the word "no", without apology, you never have to apologise for looking after yourself. You're worth it (yes you, no matter who you are or what you do)
4. Let wellbeing EMPOWER you. Move, eat beautiful fresh and healthy foods, meditate, rest, bring nutrients to the body, listen to the body, get regular wellbeing massages - do whatever your body is calling for. When you look after yourself & get deeply in tune with yourself. a whole heap of incredible things start to happen. It's like your whole being notices that you are investing in yourself, and in turn you create a wonderful sense of worth. You reap what you sow.
5. Use that feminine essence as power. The strength of a woman isn't based on these million and one things she can achieve, it's about the application of the innate inner female intelligence to any situation that arises. This is extremely relevant to what she decides to pursue as much as not pursue. Action becomes aligned with her higher order in life - and she can only identify what that is when she takes a step back and consults with herself from a deeper level (refer to step 1). Female insight, compassion and intuition are all beautiful strengths which create wonderful things in this world when consulted. There is a true power in feminine nature. When we take on too much masculine, our feelings & being can be put out of whack, and lose our natural state of being.
6. Have women you look up to and aspire to & use the support networks - to show you the way. This is my favourite part - showing you the women who have DONE IT and want to teach you and be there for you - all the way to achieving your dreams. More than ever we need to find like minded females to connect with and uplift & support each other. The modern woman embraces her soul, realises her feminine power, takes action based on own values and goals, manifests her desires and dreams, is contiually learning and growing, believes in her greatest gifts & looks after her body the best way she knows how.
Women inspiring me - check em out:
Amy Ahlers (Wake Up Call Coaching) - http://wakeupcallcoaching.com/blog
Susana Frioni (Yoga Teacher & Selfish For 27 Days founder) - http://deliriouslydeep.com/
Connie Chapman (A Life of Perfect Days & Life Coach) http://alifeofperfectdays.blogspot.com.au/
Jess Ainscough (The Wellness Warrior) http://www.thewellnesswarrior.com.au/
Marie Forleo (Business Entrepreneur & "Inspirationist") http://marieforleo.com/
Gabrielle Bernstein - (Motivational speaker & spiritual guru) http://gabbyb.tv/
Miranda Kerr - (Model, author, Kora Organics, beaming soul and inspirer for my health) http://www.koraorganics.com/blog/
Christine Arylo (Inspirational Catalyst & Self Love Author) - http://visionaryignitionswitch.com/oa
All different Authors - Brandon Bays (The Journey), Louise Hay (How to Heal Your Life), Janet Attwood (The Passion Test)
I also enjoy looking up info on strong & inspiring females ie: Nobel Peace Prize Winners (http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/lists/women.html)
& the real life heroines that are around me in my own life, when they are true to their feminine self and create sparks of greatness.
I am personally on my own journey where I reflect on ALL these areas regularly. The path of self discovery is an ongoing process, but as I become clearer on who I am, who I want to be, and what I want to achieve, it seems that life does the rest and leads me to beautiful things. The moment you start investing in yourself is when the miracles happen (it's called CO-CREATING WITH LIFE). The world won't fall on its ass the moment you take time out for yourself, trust me. The best lesson of this I have learnt through meditation - it teaches the important of stillness. When everything is "off", only your being is left. In this space you see the bigger picture, of your soul, body, mind and life itself. Through stillness you are led to clarity, and it is only when we are clear that we get what we want.
Go girls - "girl power" is taking on a new meaning. It's the awakening of the new modern female who will achieve great things, join the shift.
xx
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